I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
