I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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