I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
