fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
