if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
did you get engaged???
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
