I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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