She's JV to your varsity
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
