why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
