Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
