You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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