I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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