Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
