And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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