why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
