scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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