i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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