we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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