Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
