So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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