piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
