We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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