the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize