my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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