Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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