so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
