We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
