I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
