we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
