there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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