everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
