Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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