True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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