shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
