we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize