At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
i think i just lost a toe
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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