Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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