she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
