yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
