Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
