GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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