i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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