having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
