so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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