he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
