We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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