Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
