toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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