I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
