I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
