My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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