Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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