she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
