I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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