I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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