I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
