The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
