somebody snuck up and got me drunk
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
