According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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