I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
