The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
