Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
