i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
