My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
