I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
