On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
