Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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