I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
