Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
