dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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