Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
