Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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