Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
