Someone shit on the floor
You can't motorboat a personality
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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